So, the plan for today was originally a review. A review for Gayle Forman's new book, 'I Was Here.' But I've been working a lot more than I'd anticipated, and when I haven't been working, I've been stressing about finding a place to live, and filling out rental application form after rental application form, and when I haven't been stressing, I've been sleeping. So, my time to write and schedule posts has been zero. Nil. Nada.
Instead, you're going to have to get by with a simple, 'hi-de-ho update post.' I hope that doesn't bore you too much.
My life for the past week and a half has consisted of moving from roommate to roommate (because apparently nobody wants to live with me ever), and then, when that miracle finally occurred, trying to find the perfect place to live. Which is difficult. Much more difficult than I'd assumed. It's especially difficult when your to-be-roommate is living in another city and not able to come to inspections with you.
I didn't realise any of this. Perhaps I've been naive towards it all, but I thought the process was pretty clear cut. In case you're a first time renter: It is not clear cut.
I mean, the week in general has just been pretty shit.
I hope everyone in France is keeping safe. It sucks so much that you guys had this happen to you. Australia is giving you all our love. We understand what you're going through. It's still pretty fresh in our minds. The shock doesn't go away overnight.
I'm sorry. This blog has turned into a rant and, when not angry, it is unacceptably sad. Let's talk about other things, like daisies and rain and the possibility of a new tomorrow.
Who am I kidding? I don't really have time to.
I hope you lovely people are enjoying my blogging everyday so far - what have you been your favourite posts?
Hopefully my posts will return to their usual selves tomorrow.
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Sunday, 11 January 2015
Friday, 2 January 2015
BEDJ #2 | 2015 Goals.
It's that time of year. Yes, my friends. I'm publicly announcing my resolutions because of some inane notion that this will somehow make myself achieve these things. Let's get going!
1. Write A Novel
This is my last year of university. Yes. Really. I'm not coping with this revelation very well, but I digress. I study writing at uni. In order to make myself feel like I've actually put my money to good use, I'd like to finish writing a novel by the end of it. Then, at least in my mind, if I can't get a job, I will have achieved something. Two of my other uni friends have made this pact with me. It's going to happen.
2. Do More Driving(maybe even get my license?)
So, it's gotten to the point where I've had to renew my learner's license. This is actually ridiculous. Enough is enough. I need to get my proper license ASAP. I still don't necessarily want it or need it, but the fact that I'm still on my learner's just annoys me. So, there.
3. Read 60-70 Books
Last year, I challenged myself to read 50 books. I thought this was a good number. Basically, I knew I could easily do it, so I could spend my time on schoolwork. But it was too easy. So, now I'm challenging myself a little more. Still don't know how many books exactly I'm going for, but it's somewhere in the sixty-seventy range.
4. Confidence
It's a thing I'm still going to work on. I'm getting there, but unsurprisingly, it's slow progress.
5. Continue to Develop Blog/Be More Efficient
Procrastination is a thing I need to conquer. In the beginning of the year, I typically do quite well, but by the end of it, my care levels go below zero. We're going to change that.
1. Write A Novel
This is my last year of university. Yes. Really. I'm not coping with this revelation very well, but I digress. I study writing at uni. In order to make myself feel like I've actually put my money to good use, I'd like to finish writing a novel by the end of it. Then, at least in my mind, if I can't get a job, I will have achieved something. Two of my other uni friends have made this pact with me. It's going to happen.
2. Do More Driving
So, it's gotten to the point where I've had to renew my learner's license. This is actually ridiculous. Enough is enough. I need to get my proper license ASAP. I still don't necessarily want it or need it, but the fact that I'm still on my learner's just annoys me. So, there.
3. Read 60-70 Books
Last year, I challenged myself to read 50 books. I thought this was a good number. Basically, I knew I could easily do it, so I could spend my time on schoolwork. But it was too easy. So, now I'm challenging myself a little more. Still don't know how many books exactly I'm going for, but it's somewhere in the sixty-seventy range.
4. Confidence
It's a thing I'm still going to work on. I'm getting there, but unsurprisingly, it's slow progress.
5. Continue to Develop Blog/Be More Efficient
Procrastination is a thing I need to conquer. In the beginning of the year, I typically do quite well, but by the end of it, my care levels go below zero. We're going to change that.
&&&
How about you guys? What are some of your New Years Resolutions?
Thursday, 1 January 2015
BEDJ #1 | Introduction + 2014.
Welcome to my very first 2015 blogpost. How's everyone? Not feeling too different yet, I suppose? Along with this being the first blogpost of 2015, this is also my first blog post for my self-initiated challenge of blogging everyday this month.
Is it going to work? Hopefully. I have something planned for everyday, so fingers crossed, I will be able to streamline straight ahead. Expect a range of posts. This is going to be anything from music-related things, to book-related things, to fashion-related things (yep. that's a thing I'm going to attempt).
What I'm hoping to achieve out of this exercise is some sort of structure to both my blog and YouTube channel. Also, my ability to organise myself. Ok. Now: a big list of thank-you's to some special friends who helped my year be as fantastic as it was.
Thank you to Rachael for being my buddy of all buddies. I don't know why you still cope with me, even after nearly thirteen years of best friend-hood. Going to New Zealand was an experience I'll never forget, and you take all my theories and naivety with great amusement. Thank you for that. Onto our thirteenth year! Next stop: Japan.
Thank you to Georgia. You are stunning in your ability to be there for me. Whether it be because of an ending of a TV show or because I'm stranded or even because I'm upset over a little thing, you are there for me. You forever support me and you are wonderful. Sunshine radiates out of you. This year will be amazing. The drought of our perpetual singlehood will come to an end this year! I can feel it in my bones!
Thanks to Mel for being you. You are the co-conspirator in my neuroticisms, and the continual support despite that is A+. I'm sorry for getting you hooked on shows. But not really. Thank you for dealing with my incapability in communicating properly sometimes. I promise it's a thing I'm working on. You are wonderful, and uni wouldn't be the same without you.
Big thank you's to Dalina. Your willingness to deal with my midnight freakouts over whether I'm actually a semi-decent writer is outstanding. How you respond with amusement over frustration every single time is so totally beyond my comprehension. I don't actually know what I'd do without you.
Final quick thank you to Kristyanna for just being fabulous. I can trust you to make me laugh till I cry. How am I supposed to get through my last year of uni without you?
There are so many other people who I could thank, but this blog post would be utterly boring to everybody who doesn't know me. So, I'll stop now. Here's to a wonderful 2015, and a wonderful BEDJ.
Is it going to work? Hopefully. I have something planned for everyday, so fingers crossed, I will be able to streamline straight ahead. Expect a range of posts. This is going to be anything from music-related things, to book-related things, to fashion-related things (yep. that's a thing I'm going to attempt).
What I'm hoping to achieve out of this exercise is some sort of structure to both my blog and YouTube channel. Also, my ability to organise myself. Ok. Now: a big list of thank-you's to some special friends who helped my year be as fantastic as it was.
Thank you to Rachael for being my buddy of all buddies. I don't know why you still cope with me, even after nearly thirteen years of best friend-hood. Going to New Zealand was an experience I'll never forget, and you take all my theories and naivety with great amusement. Thank you for that. Onto our thirteenth year! Next stop: Japan.
Thank you to Georgia. You are stunning in your ability to be there for me. Whether it be because of an ending of a TV show or because I'm stranded or even because I'm upset over a little thing, you are there for me. You forever support me and you are wonderful. Sunshine radiates out of you. This year will be amazing. The drought of our perpetual singlehood will come to an end this year! I can feel it in my bones!
Thanks to Mel for being you. You are the co-conspirator in my neuroticisms, and the continual support despite that is A+. I'm sorry for getting you hooked on shows. But not really. Thank you for dealing with my incapability in communicating properly sometimes. I promise it's a thing I'm working on. You are wonderful, and uni wouldn't be the same without you.
Big thank you's to Dalina. Your willingness to deal with my midnight freakouts over whether I'm actually a semi-decent writer is outstanding. How you respond with amusement over frustration every single time is so totally beyond my comprehension. I don't actually know what I'd do without you.
Final quick thank you to Kristyanna for just being fabulous. I can trust you to make me laugh till I cry. How am I supposed to get through my last year of uni without you?
There are so many other people who I could thank, but this blog post would be utterly boring to everybody who doesn't know me. So, I'll stop now. Here's to a wonderful 2015, and a wonderful BEDJ.
Wednesday, 5 November 2014
How to Find your Writing 'Voice.'
Given it is NaNoWriMo, I thought it'd be appropriate to write at least one post on an aspect of writing. I haven't gone to uni for nothing, you know?
I thought I'd talk about a pretty important detail of the writing process: the authorial voice.
It's one of the few things I feel like I can confidently talk about when it comes to writing (and that's saying something, because usually I can't talk about a lot). Anyway, here are the four major tips that have been drilled into me in my classes, and I've found work for me.
Tip #1: Read Widely.
I'm sure you guys have seen something like this around.
'Read a lot,'
'Read as much of your genre as you can,'
etc. etc.
When I mean read widely though, I mean across as many different genres as possible. It doesn't matter if it's fiction or non-fiction; if you're interested, read it. Through exposing yourself to so many different styles, you're gaining an understanding of what you do and don't like in your stories. This will ease way into your stories. It's amazing what you pick up subconsciously.
And to go on from that, be critical of the books you're reading. Look very specifically at the writing and what you do or don't like about it. Make a list! This might be a very technical approach to the form of writing, but if you do it, you start to find what elements should make their way into your personal writing style.
Tip #2: Experiment.
This tip was drilled into me all throughout my first year of uni (and it still is, actually). Experiment. I mean it. One of the best ways to learn is by doing. One thing I maintain is that writing has got to maintain at least a little of bit of an element of fun. By experimenting with your writing, you're doing this. It's not a pre-requisite, but it should be.
But seriously. By trying out certain style, you again, find what does and doesn't work for you. Your writing should never feel too forced (I say this, acknowledging that sometimes it has to go that way with NaNoWriMo, but that isn't the point). If there is a chance it is, then you might be trying to push something that isn't you.
This isn't just limited to fiction, by the way. It's just as appropriate for poetry. Possibly more appropriate in some ways.
Tip #3: Don't Be Scared of Being Bad.
Again, it's all apart of the learning process. Not everything has to be perfect 100% of the time (and that's saying something coming from me).
Write something with as little punctuation as possible. Write something with too much of it. Write overly flowery prose. Keep it to the strict facts.
It's all about figuring out what you do best, and failing is a major part of that process.
And, if you really don't know where to start,
Tip #4: Try and Imitate the Writing Style of Your Favourite Authors.
This sounds weird, but just trust me on it. Figure out what makes them tick, and see if it works for you. Try and make your writing a medley of the best parts of your favourite authors' writing. Admittedly, this may be a little difficult if, say, you adore the poetic prose of someone like Nova Ren Suma, but also love the staccato stutter of someone like Raymond Carver or Cormac McCarthy.
I digress. Just give it a go. You never know what will happen.
And that, my friends, is the end of my writing advice post. Was is helpful? I hope so. I don't really talk about writing much on here, so I thought I should change that.
Hope everybody participating in NaNoWriMo hasn't had a breakdown yet! I have fallen off the bandwagon (thank you very much, final exam and assignment). Hopefully this'll change once I'm on holidays.
I thought I'd talk about a pretty important detail of the writing process: the authorial voice.
It's one of the few things I feel like I can confidently talk about when it comes to writing (and that's saying something, because usually I can't talk about a lot). Anyway, here are the four major tips that have been drilled into me in my classes, and I've found work for me.
Tip #1: Read Widely.
I'm sure you guys have seen something like this around.
'Read a lot,'
'Read as much of your genre as you can,'
etc. etc.
When I mean read widely though, I mean across as many different genres as possible. It doesn't matter if it's fiction or non-fiction; if you're interested, read it. Through exposing yourself to so many different styles, you're gaining an understanding of what you do and don't like in your stories. This will ease way into your stories. It's amazing what you pick up subconsciously.
And to go on from that, be critical of the books you're reading. Look very specifically at the writing and what you do or don't like about it. Make a list! This might be a very technical approach to the form of writing, but if you do it, you start to find what elements should make their way into your personal writing style.
Tip #2: Experiment.
This tip was drilled into me all throughout my first year of uni (and it still is, actually). Experiment. I mean it. One of the best ways to learn is by doing. One thing I maintain is that writing has got to maintain at least a little of bit of an element of fun. By experimenting with your writing, you're doing this. It's not a pre-requisite, but it should be.
But seriously. By trying out certain style, you again, find what does and doesn't work for you. Your writing should never feel too forced (I say this, acknowledging that sometimes it has to go that way with NaNoWriMo, but that isn't the point). If there is a chance it is, then you might be trying to push something that isn't you.
This isn't just limited to fiction, by the way. It's just as appropriate for poetry. Possibly more appropriate in some ways.
Tip #3: Don't Be Scared of Being Bad.
Again, it's all apart of the learning process. Not everything has to be perfect 100% of the time (and that's saying something coming from me).
Write something with as little punctuation as possible. Write something with too much of it. Write overly flowery prose. Keep it to the strict facts.
It's all about figuring out what you do best, and failing is a major part of that process.
And, if you really don't know where to start,
Tip #4: Try and Imitate the Writing Style of Your Favourite Authors.
This sounds weird, but just trust me on it. Figure out what makes them tick, and see if it works for you. Try and make your writing a medley of the best parts of your favourite authors' writing. Admittedly, this may be a little difficult if, say, you adore the poetic prose of someone like Nova Ren Suma, but also love the staccato stutter of someone like Raymond Carver or Cormac McCarthy.
I digress. Just give it a go. You never know what will happen.
&&&
And that, my friends, is the end of my writing advice post. Was is helpful? I hope so. I don't really talk about writing much on here, so I thought I should change that.
Hope everybody participating in NaNoWriMo hasn't had a breakdown yet! I have fallen off the bandwagon (thank you very much, final exam and assignment). Hopefully this'll change once I'm on holidays.
Saturday, 1 November 2014
Guess Who's Blogging Everyday in November?
Meeeee. In conjunction with the whole 'I'm-going-to-do-NaNoWriMo-challenge-and-win' mindset I've given myself, I decided to up the challenge. I'm going to blog everyday this month.
Is this going to work? Probably not.
Am I going to give it a cracker of a shot anyway? Yes.
I have scheduled the whole month out, and I think it's doable. Hopefully. I'm just going to have to learn to juggle this and NaNoWriMo and an assignment and study for this first week. Then I'll be as free as a butterfly.
Speaking of NaNoWriMo, you'll see updates here. I'm thinking right now I'll stick to one update blog every ten days. That way it's not overkill, but the progress won't seem crazy huge. Obviously there'll be other posts, but let's keep them as a surprise (also, there isn't really any sort of rhyme or reason to it, so it's better if I just don't try and justify it).
How about I give you a few stats now, on Day 1? I have written 3,543 words so far. Pretty happy with that. Hopefully the overachieving streak will continue.
I am trying to write a fantasy. Minor problem: I have nothing planned out at all. Hopefully I won't get too lost in the middle. Let's see how we go, shall we?
So, this is blog post #1. I apologise in advance if you hate me by the end of the month.
Is this going to work? Probably not.
Am I going to give it a cracker of a shot anyway? Yes.
I have scheduled the whole month out, and I think it's doable. Hopefully. I'm just going to have to learn to juggle this and NaNoWriMo and an assignment and study for this first week. Then I'll be as free as a butterfly.
Speaking of NaNoWriMo, you'll see updates here. I'm thinking right now I'll stick to one update blog every ten days. That way it's not overkill, but the progress won't seem crazy huge. Obviously there'll be other posts, but let's keep them as a surprise (also, there isn't really any sort of rhyme or reason to it, so it's better if I just don't try and justify it).
How about I give you a few stats now, on Day 1? I have written 3,543 words so far. Pretty happy with that. Hopefully the overachieving streak will continue.
I am trying to write a fantasy. Minor problem: I have nothing planned out at all. Hopefully I won't get too lost in the middle. Let's see how we go, shall we?
So, this is blog post #1. I apologise in advance if you hate me by the end of the month.
Sunday, 5 October 2014
Being 19.
Like I mentioned in my last blog post, I turned nineteen a month and a bit ago. The verdict is still out, but right now my feelings on the age are of the 'meh' persuasion. Now, I've thought about why this is. I haven't written his impetuously. I thought long and hard about why I might feel this way. Here they are -
Reason #1: Just in terms of symbolism, there is none in the age of nineteen. Eighteen is the age of technical legality, alcohol, tattoos, and 'adulthood.' You can suddenly do everything by yourself, without any parent's permission. Twenty is the age of 'yay, I actually survived into adulthood. This probably wouldn't have happened two hundred, three hundred years ago.' And then, there's twenty-one. Twenty-one is the age of fully-fledged adulthood. Nineteen is nothing.
Reason #2: Eighteen was actually a really good year for me. I will admit that there's a chance that I'm thinking of 2013 in its entirety as my 18th year, when in fact I'd only turned eighteen in the August of it, but nonetheless. I'd made new friends, started at (a great) uni, figured out who exactly I was. It was great. I worry that with eighteen being so great, nineteen will only be a let down.
Reason #3: I was at uni all day on my birthday. Now, I know what you're thinking. 'God, Jocie, this is just a special type of sulking.' No, I don't agree with that. Sort of. I have no problem with going to uni or work on my birthday - I've had to do it in the past, and I don't like to think I'm spoilt. But the day didn't have that normal-magical-birthday-feeling to it - what if that's an omen for how this year is going to go? If that's some sort of indication, then I am not keen. And
Reason #4: It's one year closer to being an actual adult. I don't want to be an adult. Like, I know when the time comes, I'll deal with it, but not really a fan of it right now. I liked the in-between privilege of being eighteen.
So, yeah. That's my thoughts on being nineteen. Does anybody else feel this way about the age? Or am I just alone in thinking it's a little weird?
Reason #1: Just in terms of symbolism, there is none in the age of nineteen. Eighteen is the age of technical legality, alcohol, tattoos, and 'adulthood.' You can suddenly do everything by yourself, without any parent's permission. Twenty is the age of 'yay, I actually survived into adulthood. This probably wouldn't have happened two hundred, three hundred years ago.' And then, there's twenty-one. Twenty-one is the age of fully-fledged adulthood. Nineteen is nothing.
Reason #2: Eighteen was actually a really good year for me. I will admit that there's a chance that I'm thinking of 2013 in its entirety as my 18th year, when in fact I'd only turned eighteen in the August of it, but nonetheless. I'd made new friends, started at (a great) uni, figured out who exactly I was. It was great. I worry that with eighteen being so great, nineteen will only be a let down.
Reason #3: I was at uni all day on my birthday. Now, I know what you're thinking. 'God, Jocie, this is just a special type of sulking.' No, I don't agree with that. Sort of. I have no problem with going to uni or work on my birthday - I've had to do it in the past, and I don't like to think I'm spoilt. But the day didn't have that normal-magical-birthday-feeling to it - what if that's an omen for how this year is going to go? If that's some sort of indication, then I am not keen. And
Reason #4: It's one year closer to being an actual adult. I don't want to be an adult. Like, I know when the time comes, I'll deal with it, but not really a fan of it right now. I liked the in-between privilege of being eighteen.
So, yeah. That's my thoughts on being nineteen. Does anybody else feel this way about the age? Or am I just alone in thinking it's a little weird?
Monday, 4 August 2014
Jocie's Guide to Boosting Your Self-Confidence.
I don't know about you guys, but for me there are just days when I feel very 'bleh' about myself. Don't get me wrong - I've come pretty far in my quest for self-confidence. It's just sometimes I notice my flaws more often than my talents or virtues. I'll be real with you guys: usually it's imaged related.
So, in order to feel better about myself, I have compiled a list of things. And we all now how I feel about lists. This, my friends, is a list or guide to getting that self-confidence back:
1. Matching Underwear: Ok. I might've turned you all off reading the rest of the post, but I promise that this is my strangest suggestion. There is something oddly satisfying about it. It's like a sort of magical secret. Maybe it's weird, but it works.
2. Doing Exercise: I know. You're all probably thinking, 'What happened to the laziness, Jocie? We were the laziness team. We were in this together.' Just trust me, readers, when I say this was a recent revelation. For a while, I've been of the opinion that I needed to do more exercise. I mean, I'm of a pretty average frame, but there's a difference between being slim and being healthy. I recently subscribed to Blogilates. Afterwards, I always feel like my body has actually been worked out (I can feel it), and this magical chemical called endorphins appear and make me feel refreshed.
3. Write It Out: This is a bit of a cliche, but if you're at all like me, I think you'll find this very therapeutic. It doesn't have to be a blog post or a diary entry, or even poetry. It can be whatever you want. I am generally of the 'viciously-rant-to-your-understanding-friends-or-your-begrudgingly-accepting-journal' persuasion.
4. Playlists: I have a playlist of songs that make me feel better. Maybe I should share it with you guys one time (But maybe not. I'm not saying there are former-Disney stars songs on there, but there are former-Disney stars songs on there). It ranges from feminist rampages (thank you Lily Allen and Marina & the Diamonds), to top-40 (Selena Gomez and Ellie Goulding) to even some folk (I Hate by Passenger is my jam).
5. Grooming Thyself: I think this will be something different for everyone. For me personally, I feel amazing after shaving, washing my hair, and putting on nail polish. For others, it could be doing a fancy undo or taking a long, luxurious bath. The Father (as in my Dad) always calls me a cat, and perhaps that's peeking out here, but it works. I swear.
6. Watching Your Favourite Movie: When I'm not feeling it, I have a couple go-to movies I watch and it makes me feel much better. Usually it's Breakfast At Tiffany's or a BBC Adaptation (at the moment it's the 2009 version of Emma, but it changes regularly).
So, that's it. That's my list. If none of that works? Wear red lipstick. I don't know about you lovely people, but whenever I wear red lipstick, something along these lines happens:
So, there you have it. My ultimate guide to feeling better about yourself. I really enjoyed writing this. Maybe I should do a couple of others? Like, what to do if you're feeling sad? Yep. I might do that one day.
But for now, I'll stop.
So, in order to feel better about myself, I have compiled a list of things. And we all now how I feel about lists. This, my friends, is a list or guide to getting that self-confidence back:
1. Matching Underwear: Ok. I might've turned you all off reading the rest of the post, but I promise that this is my strangest suggestion. There is something oddly satisfying about it. It's like a sort of magical secret. Maybe it's weird, but it works.
2. Doing Exercise: I know. You're all probably thinking, 'What happened to the laziness, Jocie? We were the laziness team. We were in this together.' Just trust me, readers, when I say this was a recent revelation. For a while, I've been of the opinion that I needed to do more exercise. I mean, I'm of a pretty average frame, but there's a difference between being slim and being healthy. I recently subscribed to Blogilates. Afterwards, I always feel like my body has actually been worked out (I can feel it), and this magical chemical called endorphins appear and make me feel refreshed.
3. Write It Out: This is a bit of a cliche, but if you're at all like me, I think you'll find this very therapeutic. It doesn't have to be a blog post or a diary entry, or even poetry. It can be whatever you want. I am generally of the 'viciously-rant-to-your-understanding-friends-or-your-begrudgingly-accepting-journal' persuasion.
4. Playlists: I have a playlist of songs that make me feel better. Maybe I should share it with you guys one time (But maybe not. I'm not saying there are former-Disney stars songs on there, but there are former-Disney stars songs on there). It ranges from feminist rampages (thank you Lily Allen and Marina & the Diamonds), to top-40 (Selena Gomez and Ellie Goulding) to even some folk (I Hate by Passenger is my jam).
5. Grooming Thyself: I think this will be something different for everyone. For me personally, I feel amazing after shaving, washing my hair, and putting on nail polish. For others, it could be doing a fancy undo or taking a long, luxurious bath. The Father (as in my Dad) always calls me a cat, and perhaps that's peeking out here, but it works. I swear.
6. Watching Your Favourite Movie: When I'm not feeling it, I have a couple go-to movies I watch and it makes me feel much better. Usually it's Breakfast At Tiffany's or a BBC Adaptation (at the moment it's the 2009 version of Emma, but it changes regularly).
So, that's it. That's my list. If none of that works? Wear red lipstick. I don't know about you lovely people, but whenever I wear red lipstick, something along these lines happens:
- Pops on lipstick
- Promptly forgets I put it on
- Gets complimented while out and about
- Day is made
Plus, you'll look like a bad-ass-you-can't-fool-me woman and no one will want to mess with you.So, there you have it. My ultimate guide to feeling better about yourself. I really enjoyed writing this. Maybe I should do a couple of others? Like, what to do if you're feeling sad? Yep. I might do that one day.
But for now, I'll stop.
&&&
Do you guys have any recommendations? Let me know down below!
Saturday, 2 August 2014
That Time When My Blog Looked Significantly Different.
As I'm sure you're able to gather, I made a few changes on the blog the other night. It all kind of happened at once. This isn't because I was procrastinating either. Oh no, I was actually doing schoolwork. Anywho, the things I changed:
a) The URL. It's a little different now. Before, I'd had it as 'jocieclaire.' It always bothered me that the URL and my blog's name were different. Now it's 'terreritafleurs.' It just makes more sense to me. There's symmetry now, and that makes my inner-perfectionist happy.
b) The general design of the blog is different. I liked it before, but now it looks fancy. There's actual social media buttons, and the pages are centred and I'm just really digging it. And I did it all. By. Myself. Pfft, who needs a degree in graphic design?
I think that's all I changed. I mean, I did a bit of an overhaul of my About Me page, but exactly zero people care about that. Maybe I should just turn this into a general update? Yep. Let's do that.
I'm well into uni now. Already, there is so much to do. I'm feeling good about it though. So far, I've been keeping on top of everything, and I am genuinely enjoying all of my classes. Yes. Even poetry.
The problem however, is that it's left me with not a whole lot of time. I've read little in the past two weeks. I've blogged little in the past two weeks. And on the whole, I just wish readings didn't take so long.
Oh. It's my birthday this month! I'm turning the big 1-9. Nothing too insane. I found it's going to be on a Monday, and on Monday's I spend nearly seven hours at uni. So, basically: It's going to be great fun.
I have to apologise for how ill-written this is. I promise the next few ones will be better.
a) The URL. It's a little different now. Before, I'd had it as 'jocieclaire.' It always bothered me that the URL and my blog's name were different. Now it's 'terreritafleurs.' It just makes more sense to me. There's symmetry now, and that makes my inner-perfectionist happy.
b) The general design of the blog is different. I liked it before, but now it looks fancy. There's actual social media buttons, and the pages are centred and I'm just really digging it. And I did it all. By. Myself. Pfft, who needs a degree in graphic design?
I think that's all I changed. I mean, I did a bit of an overhaul of my About Me page, but exactly zero people care about that. Maybe I should just turn this into a general update? Yep. Let's do that.
I'm well into uni now. Already, there is so much to do. I'm feeling good about it though. So far, I've been keeping on top of everything, and I am genuinely enjoying all of my classes. Yes. Even poetry.
The problem however, is that it's left me with not a whole lot of time. I've read little in the past two weeks. I've blogged little in the past two weeks. And on the whole, I just wish readings didn't take so long.
Oh. It's my birthday this month! I'm turning the big 1-9. Nothing too insane. I found it's going to be on a Monday, and on Monday's I spend nearly seven hours at uni. So, basically: It's going to be great fun.
I have to apologise for how ill-written this is. I promise the next few ones will be better.
Friday, 25 July 2014
The Future.
Today, I've got to start packing. That's kind of what my life is nowadays. Moving back and forth between uni and home. Uni ending, so I get a month off to go home. I get settled. Do things. Don't really want to leave. The thing about holidays is that they always eventually end. Unfortunately, my mid-year break is about to end. I wouldn't be complaining about this if I felt like I'd done more. I had a whole six weeks off, and it feels like I did next to nothing. I mean, I know I re-did my room, but I had so many more plans.
I wanted to start working on a novel. I wanted to finish editing my friend's manuscript. I wanted to try to do some more driving lessons.
Instead, it seems like I can't even finish a short story.
I don't know. This happens every time, doesn't it? It's not even like I don't want to go back to uni - I do. I miss my friends, and I miss living in a city that's bigger. But it's like, no matter where I go, I'm going to miss someone.
That's the realities of growing up, I guess.
I always laughed when I was younger at people who were terrified of getting older. Ironically, I think I've become one of them. I think it's because there's no stability or security in the future anymore. Again, sort of funny given how much I like to embrace change.
The difference, I think, is that when I embrace change, I know what's coming. There's no guarantee for the future. Things just aren't going to be as simple.
I realise that this post makes me sound incredibly sad. I'm not. There are some things I'd like to change, but I am happy. It's just like Emily said, I guess. I'm feeling nostalgic for now.
(I wrote this last week, but scheduled it for this week. Sorry if that's a little confusing)
I wanted to start working on a novel. I wanted to finish editing my friend's manuscript. I wanted to try to do some more driving lessons.
Instead, it seems like I can't even finish a short story.
I don't know. This happens every time, doesn't it? It's not even like I don't want to go back to uni - I do. I miss my friends, and I miss living in a city that's bigger. But it's like, no matter where I go, I'm going to miss someone.That's the realities of growing up, I guess.
I always laughed when I was younger at people who were terrified of getting older. Ironically, I think I've become one of them. I think it's because there's no stability or security in the future anymore. Again, sort of funny given how much I like to embrace change.
The difference, I think, is that when I embrace change, I know what's coming. There's no guarantee for the future. Things just aren't going to be as simple.
I realise that this post makes me sound incredibly sad. I'm not. There are some things I'd like to change, but I am happy. It's just like Emily said, I guess. I'm feeling nostalgic for now.
(I wrote this last week, but scheduled it for this week. Sorry if that's a little confusing)
Wednesday, 2 July 2014
Sentimental Hoarder.
I was going through my past journals, compiling ideas that I'd written down and never actually initiated. I came across this diary entry, and I just felt like it still rang true. I'll probably elaborate more though.
I think in my mind, since I identify so many clothes with different periods of my life, I automatically think that if I take away the clothes, the memories will go with it.
It's the same with random doodads. And cards. And basically anything you can imagine. I just hoard them away with no thought of the consequences.
But I've entered a new stage of my life now. And while I enjoy living in the past, I've also got to keep moving forward.
So I did it. I cleaned out my wardrobe, and while I felt like all the memories would be erased, the nostalgia and all-encompassing feelings I get when I think back, still remain.
It's the same with everything else - I've been cleaning out my desk and my books (again). One of the things I love most about having a diary that I allow to contain just about anything is that I can glue all these little souvenirs I've collected over time, and stick them in. It's great because a) I'm creating space for myself, and b) I'm still maintaining the little things that matter to me. For whatever reason.
Here's a peak at what I mean. Because really, it's the little things that keep you happy isn't it?
And while I'm starting to understand that you don't need to keep absolutely everything to remember, it's nice to. Just in a more compact manner.
I want to apologise. I've been busier these holidays than I'd imagined I would. I've been getting a few extra shifts at work (which is nice), am editing a friend's manuscript (which is taking up more time than I thought it would), and redoing my room (which is slowly making progress). What can I say? My holidays are never boring.
It's the same with everything else - I've been cleaning out my desk and my books (again). One of the things I love most about having a diary that I allow to contain just about anything is that I can glue all these little souvenirs I've collected over time, and stick them in. It's great because a) I'm creating space for myself, and b) I'm still maintaining the little things that matter to me. For whatever reason.Here's a peak at what I mean. Because really, it's the little things that keep you happy isn't it?
And while I'm starting to understand that you don't need to keep absolutely everything to remember, it's nice to. Just in a more compact manner.
I want to apologise. I've been busier these holidays than I'd imagined I would. I've been getting a few extra shifts at work (which is nice), am editing a friend's manuscript (which is taking up more time than I thought it would), and redoing my room (which is slowly making progress). What can I say? My holidays are never boring.
Monday, 19 May 2014
What Do You Do When Your Writing Gets Stuck?
This post is for all the writer-folk out there. I'm sure there's a few. I mean, I'm pretty sure there is. If not, then this is only mildly awkward. Moving on!
I'm a writer too (or at least, I try to be). I study writing at uni. I have a list of stories I need to get around to writing. I read too much. I'm going to stop talking about it now, because I think you've got the idea. The thing is, is that I have a real problem actually writing them. The stories, I mean. And I don't know why.
It feels like I've tried everything. Vague outlines, chapter-by-chapter outlines, no outlines. They all work for a little while, but at one point or another I will get stuck in a hole and I will not be able to do a single thing about it.
Sometimes I think it's my mindset. But it's not like I expect myself to fail. I always have an unrelenting optimism at the start. I think I'll finish it, but I never do. I used to get stuck a 1,000 words. Then, it was 5,000. And now? Now, I get stuck somewhere between 10,000 to 20,000 words. Every. Single. Time. I don't understand.
I know a lot of authors suggest to just write. You shouldn't care if it makes no sense. It's only a first draft, and you can always fix things up later. I've tried that and sometimes it works. But then my perfectionist tendencies tingle and I have to take a look back.
I've also heard music really helps. But I'm funny when I write. I can only deal with certain types of music. Maybe some instrumental? Some quiet folk music? It's endlessly frustrating.
In fact, this who saga is endlessly frustrating. I have all this pent up writing energy but when it comes to actually write? I hit a blank. I don't know whether it is too many ideas swirling around my head. Or if it is actually my perfectionism. I just get stuck.
Writing is hard stuff. Figuring out how to focus your energy on writing for long enough is hard. Telling myself that things don't happen overnight - that writing takes time, is hard. I'm still trying to sort that out, but it's just so ugh.
So, my question for fellow writer-folk is this: Has this ever happened to you? How did you deal with it?
And, on a slightly different note: What are some of your favourite 'How to Write' writing books? I've been on a bit of a kick wanting to read them.
I'm a writer too (or at least, I try to be). I study writing at uni. I have a list of stories I need to get around to writing. I read too much. I'm going to stop talking about it now, because I think you've got the idea. The thing is, is that I have a real problem actually writing them. The stories, I mean. And I don't know why.
It feels like I've tried everything. Vague outlines, chapter-by-chapter outlines, no outlines. They all work for a little while, but at one point or another I will get stuck in a hole and I will not be able to do a single thing about it.
Sometimes I think it's my mindset. But it's not like I expect myself to fail. I always have an unrelenting optimism at the start. I think I'll finish it, but I never do. I used to get stuck a 1,000 words. Then, it was 5,000. And now? Now, I get stuck somewhere between 10,000 to 20,000 words. Every. Single. Time. I don't understand.
I know a lot of authors suggest to just write. You shouldn't care if it makes no sense. It's only a first draft, and you can always fix things up later. I've tried that and sometimes it works. But then my perfectionist tendencies tingle and I have to take a look back.
I've also heard music really helps. But I'm funny when I write. I can only deal with certain types of music. Maybe some instrumental? Some quiet folk music? It's endlessly frustrating.
In fact, this who saga is endlessly frustrating. I have all this pent up writing energy but when it comes to actually write? I hit a blank. I don't know whether it is too many ideas swirling around my head. Or if it is actually my perfectionism. I just get stuck.
Writing is hard stuff. Figuring out how to focus your energy on writing for long enough is hard. Telling myself that things don't happen overnight - that writing takes time, is hard. I'm still trying to sort that out, but it's just so ugh.
So, my question for fellow writer-folk is this: Has this ever happened to you? How did you deal with it?
And, on a slightly different note: What are some of your favourite 'How to Write' writing books? I've been on a bit of a kick wanting to read them.
Tuesday, 13 May 2014
Dear Diary: A How-To.
So, recently Rosianna (or missxrojas on YouTube) posted a video on how to diary (click the linkity link here if you'd like to watch it. It's pretty A+). As someone who keeps a diary as well, I thought I could try and add to the conversation.
I've always been one of those people who gets a lot of stationary and notebooks for gifts. I mean, I've never had an issue with it. But it's something I've always been given. Or bought for myself. It took me a long while before I ever managed to complete one though.
Why? Because for the longest time, I thought that a diary had to be exactly that. Only a diary. A place where every other entry was 'Dear Diary, Today I...' Sometime in 2010, I think, this idea I'd grasped onto had changed.
For me, more than anything, a diary is a place to express yourself. Through any medium, not just the sub-standard written response. I think the saying goes that your room is your sanctuary. My room is my sanctuary for my calm and my books and my quiet contentedness . My diaries are my inner-sanctuaries for thought, for de-stressing, for expression.
The moment I decided that a diary didn't have to be limited to the typical response, was the moment I was able to complete a full notebook.
Initially, I kept to writing. Every now and again, there was a proper 'Dear Diary' entry, but there was also to-do lists and plans for (what was then) big school choices. I kept lists of books I wanted to read. I scribbled quite a bit. I made pages and pages of some of my favourite quotes. I even started writing a few stories. I didn't finish any though, unsurprisingly.
As my journalling has evolved, so has the aesthetic of them. More recently, I've started glueing in scraps of paper with ideas on them. Cool photos I've seen from magazines. Things that'll help me health wise (I'm looking at you, poor posture). Writing down chords for piano.
And because my diaries are filled with so many different things, the entries themselves seem sporadic. I don't like people flipping open my notebooks and reading them, but they can if they want. More often then not, they open to a page of a writing exercise, or planning. A lot of the time, they don't even realise.
I'm a litte different to Rosianna, in that when I do write a diary entry, there's not a whole lot to indicate I have. I do write the date down. I do not, however, write the day, or what time. This might sound a little obnoxious, but when I read the first sentence, I tend to remember exactly where I was in that point of my life.
I might do it on purpose; I might do it so people who decide to read them are confused. (Note: when people realise that they're reading my journal, they usually stop right away. It doesn't happen often). I mean, it would make sense. I am a private person. If I want to let my feelings be known, I will. But usually I won't. (Unless it's something I'm wildly passionate about. i.e. my intense dislike for Tony Abbott, feminism, etc. etc.)
So, I think my final piece of advice is this: your diary can be what you want it to. Don't feel limited by writing about your day. Write about an incident you witnessed and how it sparked inner-reflection. Rant. Write about how much you miss someone, or how you didn't expect to be so heartbroken over a tiny thing. Write song lyrics. Draw for no reason other than you want to. It's your inner-sanctuary, and ultimately, you're the one who's going to remember everything.
I've always been one of those people who gets a lot of stationary and notebooks for gifts. I mean, I've never had an issue with it. But it's something I've always been given. Or bought for myself. It took me a long while before I ever managed to complete one though.
Why? Because for the longest time, I thought that a diary had to be exactly that. Only a diary. A place where every other entry was 'Dear Diary, Today I...' Sometime in 2010, I think, this idea I'd grasped onto had changed.
For me, more than anything, a diary is a place to express yourself. Through any medium, not just the sub-standard written response. I think the saying goes that your room is your sanctuary. My room is my sanctuary for my calm and my books and my quiet contentedness . My diaries are my inner-sanctuaries for thought, for de-stressing, for expression.
The moment I decided that a diary didn't have to be limited to the typical response, was the moment I was able to complete a full notebook.
Initially, I kept to writing. Every now and again, there was a proper 'Dear Diary' entry, but there was also to-do lists and plans for (what was then) big school choices. I kept lists of books I wanted to read. I scribbled quite a bit. I made pages and pages of some of my favourite quotes. I even started writing a few stories. I didn't finish any though, unsurprisingly.
As my journalling has evolved, so has the aesthetic of them. More recently, I've started glueing in scraps of paper with ideas on them. Cool photos I've seen from magazines. Things that'll help me health wise (I'm looking at you, poor posture). Writing down chords for piano.
And because my diaries are filled with so many different things, the entries themselves seem sporadic. I don't like people flipping open my notebooks and reading them, but they can if they want. More often then not, they open to a page of a writing exercise, or planning. A lot of the time, they don't even realise.
I'm a litte different to Rosianna, in that when I do write a diary entry, there's not a whole lot to indicate I have. I do write the date down. I do not, however, write the day, or what time. This might sound a little obnoxious, but when I read the first sentence, I tend to remember exactly where I was in that point of my life.
I might do it on purpose; I might do it so people who decide to read them are confused. (Note: when people realise that they're reading my journal, they usually stop right away. It doesn't happen often). I mean, it would make sense. I am a private person. If I want to let my feelings be known, I will. But usually I won't. (Unless it's something I'm wildly passionate about. i.e. my intense dislike for Tony Abbott, feminism, etc. etc.)
So, I think my final piece of advice is this: your diary can be what you want it to. Don't feel limited by writing about your day. Write about an incident you witnessed and how it sparked inner-reflection. Rant. Write about how much you miss someone, or how you didn't expect to be so heartbroken over a tiny thing. Write song lyrics. Draw for no reason other than you want to. It's your inner-sanctuary, and ultimately, you're the one who's going to remember everything.
Monday, 21 April 2014
Dating. Weh.
When you think about courtship or dating at its core, it's a really odd thing.
"I really like you so I'm going to buy things for you and food and that is going to prove to you my affection."
I mean, I'm generalising a lot (but not really. If you buy me food, you've already won my heart), but it's just really odd?
It's just like kissing. The more you think about it, the more you realise that the human race are just a bunch of weirdos.
"Oh, I really like you, so I'm going to show you how much I like you by putting my lips against yours and inserting my tongue into your mouth*"
If you can't gather, I'm in what is frequently becoming a mood. A mood of being bloody sick of being single. Now, most of the time, I don't have a problem with it. I like my freedom and I like my independence. But I have had 18 years of singledom**. Now I want to experience a proper relationship.
It's this really fine line though, isn't it? Because every so often (read: every other day or so), I'll be so 'ehhhh' about being single, but then I'll use the above trick to placate myself. And I'll keep telling myself that I'm ok with being single because really? Being in a relationship is kinda weird (I think. I mean, I wouldn't know. I'm just guessing here).
I think I'm a little terrified of the idea. I always say that my standards are set so high because I've read too many books (and it's true), but I'm not exactly vivacious from the get-go. I mean, I can be but it doesn't happen often. Is it wrong that I want a guy where I don't feel like I have to try? Where I don't have to force the extrovertedness out of my mouth? I don't know. Eh.
I've been thinking about why this whole no-relationship thing has happened though. Why guys don't fall for my (non-existent) wily charms. So, list.
1. Socially Awkward and Shy. This will forever be my downfall. It takes me a while to become comfortable around people on a normal day. If I get a bad vibe from you, then I'm prickly for forever. If I get a good vibe from you, then chances are, I'll be your best friend. If I get nothing, there will be this middleness, where awkward silences tend to occur but I'll try.
2. Don't Really Go to Parties (which is something I'm working on). No, I seriously am working on it. I didn't go out at all last year. I have this year. Boys just don't approach me. And I don't have the self-confidence to approach them. Maybe my silence intimidates people.
3. Don't Really Know That Many Guys. This might just be a small problem. Maybe.
4. Standards are Ridiculously High, Thank You so Much Fiction. I wish I was even kidding.
Any tips of working with that lot of flaws? Maybe I should do a series on the blog and call it, 'Jocie's Adventures in Dating'? That's quite catchy.Boyssssssssss why won't you approach meeeeeeeeee?***
So, friends. I'm calling out for help. If you think that you know a guy who I would like, let me know? Ta. In advance.
*apologies for that vivid (and unwarranted) imagery there
**if we don't count that one time I had a sort-of boyfriend for two days
***I think I've figured out why it hasn't happened yet. I didn't share that one post way back when and I actually did get cursed with 7 years of bad luck. Goddammit.
"I really like you so I'm going to buy things for you and food and that is going to prove to you my affection."
I mean, I'm generalising a lot (but not really. If you buy me food, you've already won my heart), but it's just really odd?
It's just like kissing. The more you think about it, the more you realise that the human race are just a bunch of weirdos.
"Oh, I really like you, so I'm going to show you how much I like you by putting my lips against yours and inserting my tongue into your mouth*"
If you can't gather, I'm in what is frequently becoming a mood. A mood of being bloody sick of being single. Now, most of the time, I don't have a problem with it. I like my freedom and I like my independence. But I have had 18 years of singledom**. Now I want to experience a proper relationship.
It's this really fine line though, isn't it? Because every so often (read: every other day or so), I'll be so 'ehhhh' about being single, but then I'll use the above trick to placate myself. And I'll keep telling myself that I'm ok with being single because really? Being in a relationship is kinda weird (I think. I mean, I wouldn't know. I'm just guessing here).
I think I'm a little terrified of the idea. I always say that my standards are set so high because I've read too many books (and it's true), but I'm not exactly vivacious from the get-go. I mean, I can be but it doesn't happen often. Is it wrong that I want a guy where I don't feel like I have to try? Where I don't have to force the extrovertedness out of my mouth? I don't know. Eh.
I've been thinking about why this whole no-relationship thing has happened though. Why guys don't fall for my (non-existent) wily charms. So, list.
1. Socially Awkward and Shy. This will forever be my downfall. It takes me a while to become comfortable around people on a normal day. If I get a bad vibe from you, then I'm prickly for forever. If I get a good vibe from you, then chances are, I'll be your best friend. If I get nothing, there will be this middleness, where awkward silences tend to occur but I'll try.
2. Don't Really Go to Parties (which is something I'm working on). No, I seriously am working on it. I didn't go out at all last year. I have this year. Boys just don't approach me. And I don't have the self-confidence to approach them. Maybe my silence intimidates people.
3. Don't Really Know That Many Guys. This might just be a small problem. Maybe.
4. Standards are Ridiculously High, Thank You so Much Fiction. I wish I was even kidding.
Any tips of working with that lot of flaws? Maybe I should do a series on the blog and call it, 'Jocie's Adventures in Dating'? That's quite catchy.
So, friends. I'm calling out for help. If you think that you know a guy who I would like, let me know? Ta. In advance.
*apologies for that vivid (and unwarranted) imagery there
**if we don't count that one time I had a sort-of boyfriend for two days
***I think I've figured out why it hasn't happened yet. I didn't share that one post way back when and I actually did get cursed with 7 years of bad luck. Goddammit.
Monday, 10 March 2014
Of Course It's Going To Be Harder
It's the third week of uni, and I already know it's going to be harder than last year. This feels like a really stupid thing to say.
'Of course it's going to be harder, Jocie. What did you think it was going to be? Easier?'
Let's leave that topic for another day? Because I mean I knew it was going to be harder. I guess I just didn't expect it to be so immediate.
Already, I've got to try and keep up with the readings (and there are a lot). I've got no exams, which is cool, but I've got a whole heap of assignments, which isn't so. I'm worried about some of the tutors. I'm worried about some of the classes.
I don't know. Worrying is the norm for me, so I don't know how seriously I should take myself right now. There's no point in sulking and complaining about it. It won't achieve anything, except perhaps rightly-felt annoyance for you.
I'm usually pretty organised, but I'm thinking I'm going to have to be stricter with myself. I've decided a couple of things. For one, I can't be as lenient in terms of procrastination. It won't end well. I can already tell. For two, well. I mean, I only really thought of one, to be honest.
So starting soon, I'm going to do that. Or, at least attempt it. I still want to blog and everything as often as possible, so we'll see how it goes, I guess.
My ultimate goal for this ultra-organisation is that I won't stress. Because when I stress, I stress bad. As in stay-in-my-room-and-drink-five-plus-cups-of-tea-every-day-until-all-my-assignments-are-done-and-let's-not-even-talk-about-the-lack-of-sleep-and-as-close-to-breaking-down-without-actually-breaking-down-as-you-can-get sort of bad. Best Friend Rachael can attest to this. I just hope it won't affect my social life too bad.
'lol, social life? what social life?'*
I know, I know. It was one of my goals to try and do more social-y things, and it's one that I want to actually stick to.
Ok. Well. Off to write other, happier blog posts. Sorry. I'm trying to stop the whingy posts. They're just annoying. I feel like there isn't really a point to this post? It's more of a talking-to-myself-and-processing-my-thoughts post?
Ok. I'll stop now.
*that may have been a very bad attempt at a reference to an RACQ ad that only fellow Australians will probably understand. I digress. If you want to see the masterpiece in action, voila.
'Of course it's going to be harder, Jocie. What did you think it was going to be? Easier?'
Let's leave that topic for another day? Because I mean I knew it was going to be harder. I guess I just didn't expect it to be so immediate.
Already, I've got to try and keep up with the readings (and there are a lot). I've got no exams, which is cool, but I've got a whole heap of assignments, which isn't so. I'm worried about some of the tutors. I'm worried about some of the classes.
I don't know. Worrying is the norm for me, so I don't know how seriously I should take myself right now. There's no point in sulking and complaining about it. It won't achieve anything, except perhaps rightly-felt annoyance for you.
I'm usually pretty organised, but I'm thinking I'm going to have to be stricter with myself. I've decided a couple of things. For one, I can't be as lenient in terms of procrastination. It won't end well. I can already tell. For two, well. I mean, I only really thought of one, to be honest.
So starting soon, I'm going to do that. Or, at least attempt it. I still want to blog and everything as often as possible, so we'll see how it goes, I guess.
My ultimate goal for this ultra-organisation is that I won't stress. Because when I stress, I stress bad. As in stay-in-my-room-and-drink-five-plus-cups-of-tea-every-day-until-all-my-assignments-are-done-and-let's-not-even-talk-about-the-lack-of-sleep-and-as-close-to-breaking-down-without-actually-breaking-down-as-you-can-get sort of bad. Best Friend Rachael can attest to this. I just hope it won't affect my social life too bad.
'lol, social life? what social life?'*
I know, I know. It was one of my goals to try and do more social-y things, and it's one that I want to actually stick to.
Ok. Well. Off to write other, happier blog posts. Sorry. I'm trying to stop the whingy posts. They're just annoying. I feel like there isn't really a point to this post? It's more of a talking-to-myself-and-processing-my-thoughts post?
Ok. I'll stop now.
*that may have been a very bad attempt at a reference to an RACQ ad that only fellow Australians will probably understand. I digress. If you want to see the masterpiece in action, voila.
Saturday, 22 February 2014
Sitting Between Boxes
I'm currently sitting in between boxes. Tomorrow, I'm moving back to college. I don't know how I feel about it. I guess it's like with every other time school starts back up. You're happy because you can finally feel like you're doing something with your days, but you're sad because now you can't spend your days doing nothing.
Four months is a long time for a holiday. I mean, I've done heaps in it; I've travelled, gone to see The Lion King (I mean the musical, but I watched the movie tonight as well), and worked my butt off in the lead up to Christmas. But it's nice to go back to just spending my days learning.
At the same time, it means I have to pack up everything. All my clothes and books and things I might not necessarily need, but certainly want. Living at college is great, but when you've only just gotten used to living at home again, it kinda sucks.
It's such a hit and miss thing. Uni and college and living away from home are all wonderful because of some things, but they also suck because of others. It'll be good to see my friends again, but it means I won't be able to see my other friends (from home) as much. I love the room I live in at college, but at the same time I miss my room at home.
It's like this never-ending cycle of give and take. And I feel a little stupid because I know I should just be glad that I've got such a great variety of friends in all these places and that I like my classes and I like where I live.
It's just weird. I'm a neurotic, and I deal with change pretty well until I don't. Because even though I know it's difficult now, it's just how it's going to be. Eventually, I'm going to move out, and I'm not going to come back to my childhood room. I know this and it totally freaks me out.
I don't know. I'm tired and I'm nervous. That's never a good combination.
*I'm working on doing more blog posts but I might be more out of this than usual because I might not have internet for a week. YAY!
Four months is a long time for a holiday. I mean, I've done heaps in it; I've travelled, gone to see The Lion King (I mean the musical, but I watched the movie tonight as well), and worked my butt off in the lead up to Christmas. But it's nice to go back to just spending my days learning.
At the same time, it means I have to pack up everything. All my clothes and books and things I might not necessarily need, but certainly want. Living at college is great, but when you've only just gotten used to living at home again, it kinda sucks.
It's such a hit and miss thing. Uni and college and living away from home are all wonderful because of some things, but they also suck because of others. It'll be good to see my friends again, but it means I won't be able to see my other friends (from home) as much. I love the room I live in at college, but at the same time I miss my room at home.
It's like this never-ending cycle of give and take. And I feel a little stupid because I know I should just be glad that I've got such a great variety of friends in all these places and that I like my classes and I like where I live.
It's just weird. I'm a neurotic, and I deal with change pretty well until I don't. Because even though I know it's difficult now, it's just how it's going to be. Eventually, I'm going to move out, and I'm not going to come back to my childhood room. I know this and it totally freaks me out.
I don't know. I'm tired and I'm nervous. That's never a good combination.
*I'm working on doing more blog posts but I might be more out of this than usual because I might not have internet for a week. YAY!
Tuesday, 31 December 2013
An Explanation
It's amazing how much something can change in a year. In January this year, I was in my prime: I was enjoying the whole process of video-making, the ideas were flowing, it was great. Now I feel almost stagnant. If I can avoid talking to the camera, I do. I don't feel comfortable talking to the lens (which is ironic, given how comfortable I've become with myself), and all the ideas I have don't feel original or genuine.
I know I didn't say enough about why I'm leaving YouTube in my bye-bye video, so I thought I'd attempt to expand here.
First and foremost, I don't enjoy making videos anymore. If I'm being completely honest, I haven't for at least six months. If you've been with me for a while, you know that I'm very much 'do things because you enjoy it.' So, when this first started, I thought I'd just take a step back. Eventually, I assumed that I would get my mojo back and all would be ok. It didn't. It still hasn't, really. And so, I guess in my head, it made sense to me that I should just stop entirely.
Pressure was (and is) another thing. I don't deal with pressure (or stress) very well. That's why you'll find a lot of to-do lists near me. It's also why you'll find I'm super organised with my schoolwork. So unsurprisingly, I haven't dealt with this pressure well either. It's stunted me. Instead of working to the best of my ability with editing and video-ing, I'd find that I'd become slack. Every time I thought I was happy with how something had turned out, I realised I wasn't.
Basically, as the number of subscribers rose, my channel become more about effectively putting up a video every week. It wasn't focused on things that I wanted to talk about, or if it was, it wasn't to the standard I like to hold myself to. And I'm a perfectionist, so. You know. It didn't work well. It was like some sort of never-ending cycle.
I would be lying if I said that YouTube itself didn't affect my feelings. I've become increasingly frustrated by its attempts at stopping any maintaining of community. For a while now, YouTube hasn't been sending people's videos to all their subscribers. The video's are only sent to a portion of them. As someone who is/was a creator, it's incredibly disheartening when you find that out. YouTube has also been going through the rounds and changing things (like the commenting system). I'm so entirely over it. Not because I don't deal with change well - I do. In fact, I think it should be encouraged. It just annoys me because YouTube doesn't appear to be caring for its users; rather, it's focusing on the monetary aspects.
So there you have it. These are the main reasons I've stopped with the videos. It's weird that this is finally happening. I've had this mindset since September or October and now it's finally here. It's finally out in the digital world. I've been a little hesitant about this. Perhaps its problems with commitment, but the permanency I feel now is a little disconcerting.
I think I'll be happy with this though. More free. For so many months, I've felt like I have been in this between-world where I couldn't post too many blogs because I was still technically a vlogger, but that's all I wanted to do. It wasn't leaving me with the best mentality. I feel like that sounds really silly, but it's true.
Even though I said above that there was this feeling of permanency, I just want to say that it doesn't mean I'll never make videos again. I might. Who knows what the future holds? Honestly though? It'll just probably be in association with something on the blog. But it might not. Let's see what happens.
So yea. I hope this clears things up. If it doesn't, just comment below or social media or something. You know the drill. More importantly, I hope you guys understand. And I hope you enjoy this blog!
I know I didn't say enough about why I'm leaving YouTube in my bye-bye video, so I thought I'd attempt to expand here.
First and foremost, I don't enjoy making videos anymore. If I'm being completely honest, I haven't for at least six months. If you've been with me for a while, you know that I'm very much 'do things because you enjoy it.' So, when this first started, I thought I'd just take a step back. Eventually, I assumed that I would get my mojo back and all would be ok. It didn't. It still hasn't, really. And so, I guess in my head, it made sense to me that I should just stop entirely.
Pressure was (and is) another thing. I don't deal with pressure (or stress) very well. That's why you'll find a lot of to-do lists near me. It's also why you'll find I'm super organised with my schoolwork. So unsurprisingly, I haven't dealt with this pressure well either. It's stunted me. Instead of working to the best of my ability with editing and video-ing, I'd find that I'd become slack. Every time I thought I was happy with how something had turned out, I realised I wasn't.
Basically, as the number of subscribers rose, my channel become more about effectively putting up a video every week. It wasn't focused on things that I wanted to talk about, or if it was, it wasn't to the standard I like to hold myself to. And I'm a perfectionist, so. You know. It didn't work well. It was like some sort of never-ending cycle.
I would be lying if I said that YouTube itself didn't affect my feelings. I've become increasingly frustrated by its attempts at stopping any maintaining of community. For a while now, YouTube hasn't been sending people's videos to all their subscribers. The video's are only sent to a portion of them. As someone who is/was a creator, it's incredibly disheartening when you find that out. YouTube has also been going through the rounds and changing things (like the commenting system). I'm so entirely over it. Not because I don't deal with change well - I do. In fact, I think it should be encouraged. It just annoys me because YouTube doesn't appear to be caring for its users; rather, it's focusing on the monetary aspects.
So there you have it. These are the main reasons I've stopped with the videos. It's weird that this is finally happening. I've had this mindset since September or October and now it's finally here. It's finally out in the digital world. I've been a little hesitant about this. Perhaps its problems with commitment, but the permanency I feel now is a little disconcerting.
I think I'll be happy with this though. More free. For so many months, I've felt like I have been in this between-world where I couldn't post too many blogs because I was still technically a vlogger, but that's all I wanted to do. It wasn't leaving me with the best mentality. I feel like that sounds really silly, but it's true.
Even though I said above that there was this feeling of permanency, I just want to say that it doesn't mean I'll never make videos again. I might. Who knows what the future holds? Honestly though? It'll just probably be in association with something on the blog. But it might not. Let's see what happens.
So yea. I hope this clears things up. If it doesn't, just comment below or social media or something. You know the drill. More importantly, I hope you guys understand. And I hope you enjoy this blog!
Tuesday, 15 October 2013
18.
I've been 18 now for nearly two months. A lot of the time, my feeling's on this range from sheer panic to feeling ehh about it to feeling completely comfortable. It's kind of odd.
The panic and the 'ehhh' feeling makes sense to me. I'm officially an 'adult.' I can drink, I can drive, I can get a tattoo, I can smoke (if I really, really want), and I can probably own a house
The thing that scares me more are the moments when I feel comfortable with being 18. Like it makes perfect sense that I'm now this age. I've been thinking about that a lot recently. I think I've finally figured out why. Being 17, I kind of felt like I was in this non-space. I wasn't 'sweet sixteen' but I wasn't yet a legal adult. I couldn't really identify with being a child (and I say that very, very loosely), but I couldn't really identify being an adult either.
I guess you could say that I had a bit of a problem with my identity. I didn't know my boundaries. I was just lost, really. Is there some sort of study that talks about age and identity and the correlation between the two?
I'm not saying that I feel better at 18. I truly don't most of the time. I still have issues with boundaries, and I don't like the idea of being an adult. I just feel like there's some sort of thread that makes me that little bit more comfortable.
It makes me wonder what's going to happen in the next few years though. 19, 20. Will I feel as lost in those? 21. Will I feel the same sort of weird comfort? If all things go well, I'll be an actual adult then. I'll have graduated. Hopefully have a job. Possibly an apartment or house.
I don't particularly like thinking about the future. More than anything, it makes me nervous. But am I alone in feeling the comfort of an 'important' age? I just have a lot of mixed feelings about it.
Saturday, 31 August 2013
Studying Abroad/Travel
In the past few days, my Facebook has been a flurry with status updates announcing that they have been accepted to study abroad. It's making me a little sad. It's not secret that I love travel - it's one of my favourite things in the entire world.
So I can tell you now that when I came to the realisation that I probably couldn't do a study abroad program, I was devastated. And all these updates are just poking me in the heart repeatedly.
As such, it's come into my head to enjoy the benefits of being a student as much as possible while I can. Basically, I've roped Best Friend Rachael into travelling abroad with me every year or every six months for a week or two.
I'm really excited. New Zealand is first on the list. We're starting to plan, and I'm getting really really REALLY excited. We've decided that we're just going to stay on the North Island for this trip, and that later on down the track, we'll do the South Island.
We've nearly got the flights sorted out, and we're starting to prep ourselves for making an itinerary. I know this probably isn't at all exciting for most of you, but I am so incredibly excited to be going out into the world again and seeing new things.
First stop? New Zealand.
Next stop? Who knows (though I'm kinda hoping it's Japan. DISNEYLAND).
So I can tell you now that when I came to the realisation that I probably couldn't do a study abroad program, I was devastated. And all these updates are just poking me in the heart repeatedly.
As such, it's come into my head to enjoy the benefits of being a student as much as possible while I can. Basically, I've roped Best Friend Rachael into travelling abroad with me every year or every six months for a week or two.
I'm really excited. New Zealand is first on the list. We're starting to plan, and I'm getting really really REALLY excited. We've decided that we're just going to stay on the North Island for this trip, and that later on down the track, we'll do the South Island.
We've nearly got the flights sorted out, and we're starting to prep ourselves for making an itinerary. I know this probably isn't at all exciting for most of you, but I am so incredibly excited to be going out into the world again and seeing new things.
First stop? New Zealand.
Next stop? Who knows (though I'm kinda hoping it's Japan. DISNEYLAND).
Tuesday, 13 August 2013
Stress
I don't know if you know a lot about me, but if there's one thing you need to know it's that I don't deal with stress well. There's a reason I keep a diary, and it's because I work best when organised.
Since starting university, I've found that the main issue I have is that the normal stress that I'm used to feeling (like two or three weeks before an assignment is due) is now closer to two or three days before an assignment is due. If I'm being realistic, it's because high school and university are two very different things.
With high school, you are told a good one or two months in advance when things are due. From there, you get to have maybe two weeks to work on your draft. You then get to hand it in, and can expect a full recount of all the things you've done wrong, along with things that you could improve and how to get a better grade. You then likely get at least another week to work on your 'good copy' before handing it into the teacher.
At university, it's a whole different story. Sure, you get a whole month or two for knowing when things are due, but there isn't the same pressure. They'll mention when things are due in the first lecture, and then not mention it again until the week before it's due. You aren't really allowed to hand in drafts or get detailed notes on how to improve. It's all very vague, and I think it's a little hard to adjust.
I mean, I can't really complain. As a writing student, I'm fortunate in that we generally have to go through some sort of peer review before handing in the final product. But even then, that's a piece of assessment.
So you can imagine my surprise last semester when I realised that three or so assignments were due in a week, and I'd only briefly started them. Cue me locking myself in my room with a cup of tea that was magically renewed every three hours or so. Needless to say, this semester I'm going to work really hard on not repeating that period.
Since starting university, I've found that the main issue I have is that the normal stress that I'm used to feeling (like two or three weeks before an assignment is due) is now closer to two or three days before an assignment is due. If I'm being realistic, it's because high school and university are two very different things.
With high school, you are told a good one or two months in advance when things are due. From there, you get to have maybe two weeks to work on your draft. You then get to hand it in, and can expect a full recount of all the things you've done wrong, along with things that you could improve and how to get a better grade. You then likely get at least another week to work on your 'good copy' before handing it into the teacher.
At university, it's a whole different story. Sure, you get a whole month or two for knowing when things are due, but there isn't the same pressure. They'll mention when things are due in the first lecture, and then not mention it again until the week before it's due. You aren't really allowed to hand in drafts or get detailed notes on how to improve. It's all very vague, and I think it's a little hard to adjust.
I mean, I can't really complain. As a writing student, I'm fortunate in that we generally have to go through some sort of peer review before handing in the final product. But even then, that's a piece of assessment.
So you can imagine my surprise last semester when I realised that three or so assignments were due in a week, and I'd only briefly started them. Cue me locking myself in my room with a cup of tea that was magically renewed every three hours or so. Needless to say, this semester I'm going to work really hard on not repeating that period.
Tuesday, 6 August 2013
A Break.
I recently have taken a break from YouTube. This wasn't a sudden decision; in fact it was almost certainly a gradual thing. I found that every time I filmed a new video, a new sort of disdain would enter my head and I'd just not be entirely proud of the end result.
So I did something that I haven't done in my three years of making videos - I took a purposeful (and necessary) break. To be honest, I'm really happy I did. I know some people might think it's stupid, but I I am really, really happy I did. Instead of the feelings of disdain or reluctance, I'm starting to feel a little more enthusiastic. I've done editing on videos that have been stored away for a rainy day. I'm playing around with different styles.
As a side effect though, this blog became a little malnourished. And I'm truly sorry about that, but I need to just take a step back from everything that is crowding my head. I know I've said this a million times, but expect more book reviews, and other things that I'm working on.
I decided that I was going to take a month off YouTube, and I'm still putting that into play. I know that it might give people reason to unsubscribe, or that you don't really care, but right now the thing I need is distance. I am coming back; just not right away.
Meanwhile, I'm going to continue distancing myself a little, I will find some way to release the pent up creative energy, and proceed to watch bad movies that shouldn't make me cry but for some reason, do (I'm looking at you Cyberbully).
So keep the 20th of August free and expect a video.
So I did something that I haven't done in my three years of making videos - I took a purposeful (and necessary) break. To be honest, I'm really happy I did. I know some people might think it's stupid, but I I am really, really happy I did. Instead of the feelings of disdain or reluctance, I'm starting to feel a little more enthusiastic. I've done editing on videos that have been stored away for a rainy day. I'm playing around with different styles.
As a side effect though, this blog became a little malnourished. And I'm truly sorry about that, but I need to just take a step back from everything that is crowding my head. I know I've said this a million times, but expect more book reviews, and other things that I'm working on.
I decided that I was going to take a month off YouTube, and I'm still putting that into play. I know that it might give people reason to unsubscribe, or that you don't really care, but right now the thing I need is distance. I am coming back; just not right away.
Meanwhile, I'm going to continue distancing myself a little, I will find some way to release the pent up creative energy, and proceed to watch bad movies that shouldn't make me cry but for some reason, do (I'm looking at you Cyberbully).
So keep the 20th of August free and expect a video.
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