"I really like you so I'm going to buy things for you and food and that is going to prove to you my affection."
I mean, I'm generalising a lot (but not really. If you buy me food, you've already won my heart), but it's just really odd?
It's just like kissing. The more you think about it, the more you realise that the human race are just a bunch of weirdos.
"Oh, I really like you, so I'm going to show you how much I like you by putting my lips against yours and inserting my tongue into your mouth*"
If you can't gather, I'm in what is frequently becoming a mood. A mood of being bloody sick of being single. Now, most of the time, I don't have a problem with it. I like my freedom and I like my independence. But I have had 18 years of singledom**. Now I want to experience a proper relationship.
It's this really fine line though, isn't it? Because every so often (read: every other day or so), I'll be so 'ehhhh' about being single, but then I'll use the above trick to placate myself. And I'll keep telling myself that I'm ok with being single because really? Being in a relationship is kinda weird (I think. I mean, I wouldn't know. I'm just guessing here).
I think I'm a little terrified of the idea. I always say that my standards are set so high because I've read too many books (and it's true), but I'm not exactly vivacious from the get-go. I mean, I can be but it doesn't happen often. Is it wrong that I want a guy where I don't feel like I have to try? Where I don't have to force the extrovertedness out of my mouth? I don't know. Eh.
I've been thinking about why this whole no-relationship thing has happened though. Why guys don't fall for my (non-existent) wily charms. So, list.
1. Socially Awkward and Shy. This will forever be my downfall. It takes me a while to become comfortable around people on a normal day. If I get a bad vibe from you, then I'm prickly for forever. If I get a good vibe from you, then chances are, I'll be your best friend. If I get nothing, there will be this middleness, where awkward silences tend to occur but I'll try.
2. Don't Really Go to Parties (which is something I'm working on). No, I seriously am working on it. I didn't go out at all last year. I have this year. Boys just don't approach me. And I don't have the self-confidence to approach them. Maybe my silence intimidates people.
3. Don't Really Know That Many Guys. This might just be a small problem. Maybe.
4. Standards are Ridiculously High, Thank You so Much Fiction. I wish I was even kidding.
Any tips of working with that lot of flaws? Maybe I should do a series on the blog and call it, 'Jocie's Adventures in Dating'? That's quite catchy.
So, friends. I'm calling out for help. If you think that you know a guy who I would like, let me know? Ta. In advance.
*apologies for that vivid (and unwarranted) imagery there
**if we don't count that one time I had a sort-of boyfriend for two days
***I think I've figured out why it hasn't happened yet. I didn't share that one post way back when and I actually did get cursed with 7 years of bad luck. Goddammit.
